I Need A Partner to be Happy

Do you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate relationships with men who initially come on strong, only to turn out to be emotionally needy, just like her.

The problem is we attract people at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. Because Adrienne had never learned to take loving care of herself, she generally met men who were not taking care of themselves. When she finally did meet a man who was taking personal emotional responsibility, the relationship was short-lived. He soon lost interest in a woman who wanted him to make her happy.

As Adrienne and I worked together, it became apparent that she had spent her whole life taking emotionally responsibility for others her parents, her children, and her partners. In her belief system, she was supposed to make others happy and they were supposed to make her happy. But it never seemed to work out that way she never felt happy.

Adrienne also believed that taking care of herself was selfish rather than self-responsible. She feared that if she did what she wanted to do, instead of what everyone else wanted her to do, the people around her would be mad at her. As we worked together, it became apparent to Adrienne that her unhappiness was not because she didnt have a partner but because she was not taking responsibility for herself. She was not speaking up for herself at work or with the men she dated, instead allowing people to walk all over her. She realized that in constantly trying to have control over people not getting angry with her, she was abandoning herself. It was her self-abandonment that was causing her so much pain and feelings of aloneness.

As Adrienne began to take better care of herself, she started to feel better. But she still felt that there was a hole in her life. She wanted a partner for companionship to have dinner with, to go to a movie with, to travel with and play with.

Adrienne, I said to her, I understand that you would love to have a partner to do things with. But why cant you do these things with friends? Im not saying to stop being open to finding a partner, but meanwhile, why not do these things with friends?

I dont have friends, she replied. I have been so busy trying to find a partner that I havent taken any time to develop friendships. When I dont have a date, I tend to isolate.

How do you feel when you isolate?

I feel sad and lonely. Thats why I think I need a partner to be happy. It just hasnt occurred to me that I could be doing fun things with friends.

So, this is a major way that you have not been taking care of yourself. You have been allowing yourself to feel sad and lonely rather than taking care of yourself by developing friendships. Would you be willing to put yourself in places where you might meet people and to reach out for friendship?

Adrienne agreed that she would do this. The next week in our phone session, she sounded much better. She had met an interesting woman at her daughters soccer game and they had plans to meet for lunch.

As Adrienne devoted herself to developing close friendships, she stopped feeling sad and lonely. As a happier woman, she started meeting happier men. The last time I spoke with her, she was dating a man she really liked. And she was keeping up her friendships, determined to not make this man responsible for her happiness.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Golf Training Aids Are they any good for a new golfer?

Many golfers take up the game after they retire from more strenuous ball games such as baseball, football, soccer or cricket. I mean after playing in a game were a bowler or pitcher is sending a ball towards you at a high sped and you are expected to hit it out of sight how difficult can golf be?

When you watch it on TV Tiger Woods, Phil Mickleson and Justin Rose make it look so very easy to propel the ball to the exact spot they want to. And lets face it why should it be difficult? The ball is just sitting there waiting to be hit, and you dont just have one bat to hit it with, you have a choice of fourteen. So it has got to be an easy game, right? Wrong.

You go to a driving range just for a quick practice before launching yourself on your local golf club. And you suddenly discover the game is not quite so easy as it appears. The ball has an annoying habit of not going where you want it too. It may slice to the right or hook to the left; even more embarrassingly it may just roll a few feet forward as you hit your divot further than the ball.

Of course the sensible thing at this point is to book a series of lessons with a club pro. But youre a golfer now, so commonsense tends to go out of the window. Instead you look through the golf magazines and find advertisements for a whole host of training aids that are going to sort out every aspect of your game.

There are training aids that will improve your swing, stance and your alignment. Nets and buckets that it is claimed will make you the best short game player in your club.

It is fortunate for the manufacturers of these training aids that golfers tend to spend more money on their game than almost any other sportsmen or women. Because training aids do not tend to come cheaply and you can spend a great deal of money on some of these tools and devices.

Golf training aids have a place to play in many golfers development but they should be used after you have learnt the basics from a skilled trainer such as your club professional. Teach yourself golf and you not only have an idiot for an instructor but you will ingrain faults into your game that will be difficult to eradicate later down the line when you want to improve your game.

Dave Bromley has been playing golf for nearly 30 years. In that time he has spent a fortune on golf training aids and lessons but still classes himself as a learner. "We never stop learning at this game".

The Working Parent's Home Office--Organization for Success

The Working Parents Home Office Organization for Success

If youre a parent that works at home, you already know about the ongoing conflict between your business and your family obligations. Home based businesses are rapidly becoming the norm in our world of high technology. As a parent, this is great news, as it allows you to be in the house with your kids while still creating a necessary income. So, when combining your work life with your home life, how do you find the proper balance, so each can be stable and successful? To begin with you need to have the correct tools at your disposal for whatever your work at home business is.

While this may sound easy, the lack of organization can be a death knell to your home based business. Beyond strong organization, youll also need to be able to communicate with your family effectively, set limitations, prioritize your day, stick to your commitments, and learn how to be flexible. Sounds like a lot, doesnt it? Its not only possible, its very manageable, and while the balance will rarely be perfect, optimizing your schedule and your office will lead you to not only a stronger business but a stronger family unit, as well. The following steps will help get you started:

Communication

Whether youre running an internet home based business or another type of work at home career, start with communication. Explain to your family what your home based business will require in order for it be streamlined. This is all about expectations, and may include establishing protocol for interruptions, discussing your normal working hours, and basic rules to be followed. Be ready to listen, question, and explain every detail fully.

Organization

Its essential to have the proper tools in order to work at home successfully. Be sure to have a strong internet connection (especially if you have an internet home based business), a dedicated telephone (it can be a cell phone), a place to keep files and notes so you can find them quickly, and a way of organizing your incoming work.

Limitations

Your family is important and they are probably the main reason youre in a home based business to begin with. However, your children need to understand youre working even if youre only in the next room. Youll need to set limitations with them so they know how to approach you in non-emergency circumstances. You could designate a signal that will visually tell them you cannot be interrupted unless it is an emergency. This can be as simple as a closed door or a sign you hang outside of your office.

Prioritize

Invest in a calendar, whether the old-fashioned type or computer software, to use as a planning tool. This is one of the most important steps you can take if you work at home, because you need a place to pencil (or type) in appointments, school activities, deadlines, etc. Get into the habit of updating your planning tool throughout each day so you can set your priorities well in advance.

Commitment

If you tell your son that youll be at his soccer game be there. If you tell a business associate you will be available to talk on a certain day and time, make sure you are. Your word is important within your family and your business so unless something happens that you cannot control, live up to what you say. If you do have to break a commitment, be open and honest about it and be ready with an alternate plan. If this happens it is essential that the alternate plans you made are adhered to.

Flexibility

As with anything in life, learning to be flexible will save you, your family, and your home based business unnecessary stress. Things happen in life, try to find different solutions and different methods when issues pop up.

A work at home office can truly make a difference in narrowing the gap between career and family, especially if the office is organized and the expectations with your family are firmly in place. Combined, it will allow you to remain the stabilizing force you need to be both in your home based business and in your family.

Ruby River is the proud owner of an established home business whose business affiliate is one of the oldest and continues to be the most successful within the billion-dollar personal development community. A genuine business opportunity promoting financial and emotional change is available without hype. Success is a Choice. Serious, entrepreneur minded, visit http://www.livegreatlife.com